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[28 Jul 2002|04:55pm]
[ mood | Bitter ]

I guess I owe an explanation of why I've turned into such a bitter asshole lately, and you know what? I wish I knew myself. The only thing I think it could be is this place, these people, all this fucking nonsense and lies are finally getting to me, took three years but finally got under my skin. All I want is to move out of this shit hole and NEVER see this place or anyone here again. ok that's all
fuck off

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[21 Jul 2002|01:59pm]
I'm sick of this town. everyone here is fucking crazy I mean you guys are out there like fucking pluto man. this state is full of bullshit, I can't wait until I move back to PA :) I wish pete, dan and nate would get back from NYC. I miss summer, haven't hung out with her in such a long time. had a whole bottle of JD last night...thought that would cheer me up, but I was wrong. I guess it's deeper than that.

Don't you hate when you try to talk to someone and they never answer any of your questions? but what ever, there's nothing I can do about it...that's all on them, not me. fuck em, i'm out of this bitch
fuck off
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[19 Jul 2002|03:10am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I don't know what's up these days everything just seemed to change. It's like I don't know anyone any more. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and there's certain things that just pile on top to make it worse...I have to go to swfas tomorrow..not too bad. Wanted to try and get a hold of jayme, but I figured she didn't care anything about me any ways...plus she never tried to get ahold of me...so I'm assuming that's over, I really don't know at this point...oh and I have court again on the 19th of august. not to mention senior year of school in one month. I'm just sick of it all, I want to build a shed in a mushroom field and just be a mushroom eating hermit until I go insane

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woah dude [14 Jul 2002|12:57am]
i wasn't really feeling too good until just now...

If i was a serial killer i would be Jack the Ripper.

Jack the Ripper, by far the most notorious killer of all time. What would drive a man to kill 5 prostitutes, surgically mutilate the bodies, then stop, to never be heard from again? Most of the murders were pretty much the same, the victim had her throat cut and her abdomen exposed, the intestines were placed over her right shoulder and sometimes a kidney or even the heart had been removed.

Jack the RIpper's murders are still unsolved.

Kill count: 5

Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!

haha, damn i'm good. anyways i talked to mike online today, hes doing pretty good. ive been chillin at my house a lot lately. got court on monday, short hearing, bt still...uh, that's about it
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tears in heaven [09 Jul 2002|11:03pm]
[ mood | Grim ]

Lately things have been better. Last night my dad got pissed at me and called me a fucking martyr...what ever. I went to the movies tonight with my friend Zach, we saw MIB II it was pretty cool. Been gettin a lot of mushrooms lately haha...

I've been listening to Eric Clapton a lot, if you can't tell. It amazes me...the passion that he puts into his work. It inspires me, really it does. Especially the song Tears in Heaven. He put his heart and soul into that, dealing with the grief of his sons death. His devotion to the music of over whelming, his solos rise up, like a storm...It all makes me think, I can't help but get sad the more I listen to it. It makes me think of my friends lilli and logan, and makes me want to be a better person, be all I can be. Put my heart into everything I do, especially my music...But then again I could just be going insane, we'll find out...

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It's all a dream...a frightful dream, life is... [08 Jul 2002|01:17pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing through the melting wall
Who will be the first, to begin their fall
or will we become one...

Am I the star beneath the stairs
am I the ghost up on the stage
am I your anything?

I saw a star beneath the stairs
glowing bright before descent
and in the morning there is nothing left
but what's inside of me

Am I the star beneath the stairs
am I the ghost up on the stage
am I your anything?

And I don't want to die tonight, believe me
and I don't want to fall into the light
will you wish upon
will you walk upon me
I don't want to die tonight

Will you believe in me tonight

Am I the star beneath the stairs
Am I the ghopst up on the stage
Am I your anything?

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I'm back [27 Jun 2002|07:34pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Well. I'm back from PA...I have been for about a week actually, just been busy. It was awesome got to see my friends Joe, Rob, Nick, Mike, Shawn, Pete, Robin, and Doug...we got drunk all the time. I also got to see my father. When I got back I hung out with summer, huge mistake...I went to pick something up for my friend Matt and she ditched me at the mall, so I called her and she said to meet at matts work...after about 3 hours I finally got a ride from my friend Ben. I wish I would have realized much earlier that we didn't have a future together...not because of me, I did everything I could. But I am an idiot for even getting involved with that situation I guess. it reminds me of a song
"It's been a long time since I've been close to you. It's been a long time since I've been sad. It's been a while since I really spent time with you, wish I could take back the times that I had. The only thing that you ever really did for me was make me oh so miserable. And I hope that I NEVER see your face again is anytrhing but questionable. I hope this is goodbye, I hope this is goodbye. There was a time I thought you were a friend of me. Those times I was probably just drunk. If they offered a test about being a good friend. I'd put money down that you'd surely flunk. The only thing you ever really took from me were my records to sell them for coke. Now all I have left is this heart in my chest and my happiness helping me cope"
Not the cheeriest little tune...but MAN can I relate to that.
Other than that things were going well, hung out in Sanibel a lot. My friend Grant got bit by a monkey and had to go to the hospital. Then we got arrested for picking mushrooms...not really arrested but the police confescated our mushrooms and made us leave ;\ well that's it for now, bye

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*sigh* [06 Jun 2002|07:31pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Tuesday night was great, I started going out w/ Jayme, so I spent the night over her house. "We kissed through the darkness, until it was dawn. And up with it came our pain and fears. That we had already lsot eachother, both knew that the end was near. Maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken hearted, in my own special selfish way. And if I hadn't set aside the fact that you were broken hearted, hell knows where your heart would be today. Maybe with me"

Wednesday, we went over Bryan's house and helped him move stuff in the hot ass sun, but it was good times, a lot of laughs. After that we got a ride to Batman's house, and that's where things started going wrong...
I told Jayme I didn't want to go out with her any more...and the worst part is she thought it was because we didn't have sex :( I wish I could make people see, but no one wants to understand me, so why should I bother telling them? *sigh*
Hung out at Batman's all day, lot of action there. Then this morning we hunt out and helped clean the house for inspection. And after that Dennis's sister gave me a ride home...as soon as I got home I passed out for a good 5 hours. and here I am

Tomorrow I am going to PA for 2 weeks (maybe longer, hopefully much longer) With any luck, my plane will crash into the ocean. Well, I need to get packin, then I think I am gonna head up to the yaght club, do some fishing and try to get my mind off things...

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[04 Jun 2002|11:45am]
Life it seems to fade away, Drifting further every day. Getting lost within myself, nothing matters NO ONE else. I have lost the will to live, simply nothing more to give. There is nothing more for me, I need the end to set me free. Things aren't what they used to be, missing one inside of me. Deathly loss this can't be real! I can't stand this hell I feel! Emptiness is filling me, to the point of agony. Growing darkness take me down, I was me but now he's gone.
No one but me can save myself
I can't think, think why I should even try...

I'm sorry...<3
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[03 Jun 2002|11:10am]
[ mood | happy ]

Last night was great. I went over nates house and hung out with nate and mike, tons of fun, as usual. We were gonna have stick fights again but there were too many mosquitos out, damn skeetos :( ahhhh, now i gotta do work, oh well, might as well get it done

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fuck you, I hate you, die [02 Jun 2002|03:35pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Went to the show at Breakers last night - kick ass - Got to see a bunch of people I haven't in a long time. I got a ride there with Sabrina<3 and Jayme<3 ...I was having a great time until summer showed up, it still amazes me how I can like someone so much one minute and hate them so much more the next. But oh well, all I can say is that I tried....and anyone who will only be my friend if I don't hang out with a certain group of people (Sabrina<3 Jayme<3) isn't really a true friend. So all I have to say is, like the song says, Fuck you...I hate you...I hope you die. If I ever see or talk to you again it will be to soon. So please never call my house again, thank you

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SATs suck [01 Jun 2002|01:15pm]
[ mood | content ]

*yawn* well, I had to get up at 6am today for SATs...I hope I did good (lol like I care :P) but anyways...I'm really happy cause today I get to do something with summer. My finst day out of the house in like a week....I hope she doesn't forget about me :D

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[31 May 2002|09:48am]
[ mood | groggy ]

*yawn* well, it's like 9:30 and I am awake...how about that? So I thought I would update. Eventhough I have nothing to say lol. Anyways, I feel like today is a good day waiting to happen...I found out all I need to do is go with the flow, focus my energy on something other than being mad or upset and it will be so....I wish someone was online to talk to...but like I said it's 9:30am :P

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This is for YOU [31 May 2002|01:09am]
[ mood | Empty ]

I don't know what to say
Besides I'm sick of all the lies
I tried my best through and through
I guess it wasn't good enough
All the things you've done for me
Except the one thing I wanted the most
I tried to talk to you
But you didn't understand
Didn't want to
Now I feel more alone than ever
And you're not there
Which is all I ever asked
Now I'm sick
Sick of all the lies
sick of all the bullshit
sick of this place
and most of all sick of YOU
All I ever wanted was a friend
You couldn't do that
I tried to be there
Be all the things to you
That you weren't to me
I have nothing left to say
Life wont wait
And I wont wait, for you

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gah! [30 May 2002|09:10pm]
[ mood | sad ]

*sign* Why can't I ever do anything right? I think summer is mad at me again. What else is new...all I try to do is make people happy and I just end up fucking everything up, I guess I should just stop trying... :'(

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[]D [] []V[] []D [30 May 2002|08:38pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Well, court today went...well, I guess. It was supposed to be at 1:30 but at 3:45 when the judge still wasn't done with his other courts my lawyer talked to him and we ended up just leaving :) So now I don't gotta worry about anything until July. Which means I get to go on vacation to PA in June (very happy about that)

So, Russ is coming back to Fort Myers saturday...very happy about that also. I hope things go well and we get to hang out with Batman, Anthony, Carl, matt,Jason, and everyone else in the crew. I got SAT's at fuckmeintheass in the morning, but I should be done before anyone even wakes up :) I hope everything goes according to plan!

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Don't forget the MAN! [29 May 2002|04:37pm]
Can't forget Randal the man! we need to hang out more bro, gimme a buzz some time :D
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I hope things work out [29 May 2002|04:10pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Well, this is my first journal entry. So I guess I will give the run down of my life these past few weeks. Life lately has been hell. I got into a huge fight with my family not too long ago and ended up in my taking a trip to rehab ;\ I couldn't wait to get out, I wanted to see my friends so bad. Russ, Summer, Pete, Dan, John, Nate, Nate, Dennis, Sabrina...I missed them all so much. Shortly after I was released, I got arrested by the police and now I have a court date tomorrow. On top of that all, I found out my friend Logan died from an overdose the day after I was arrested (R.I.P. my brother) But I still have hope for the future. I want to get my life straightened out. Which means no more drugs, no more drinking and no more getting in trouble with the law or I will go to jail :( I want to thank all my friends who have always been there for me in the toughest times. You guys are great....well wish me luck in court tomorrow :))

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